Equilibrium and the Elephant

I remember over ten years ago, eleven, actually, when Chuck and I were really getting to know each other.
I remember specifically asking him what his prayer was for the year? Apologetically, I don't remember what HIS reply was!
BUT: I do remember what mine was.

With great eagerness and anticipation I shouted out,
"I want to be more structured, organized and disciplined!"
I remember my soon-to-be husband grinning and with a slight chuckle and a twinkle in his eye,
he said, "Isn't that about the same thing?"

pshaw!
Bite your tongue!

Structure
Organization and
Discipline are three very distinctly different things and I lack each one, so I can give
you personal testimony to how different they are!


Structure would be the "system"
Organization would be your ability to keep the "system" in and orderly fashion
and Discipline would be the ability to live WITHIN the CONFINES of the system.

Sometimes I think of myself as a schizophrenic butterfly
who married an elephant.

But ya know what I love so much about my wonderful, loving Pachydermal Mate?
He is a constant in the middle of my swings.
He is the level to my tumultuous winds and waves.
Even when I am the Pendulum, he avoids the Pit.

He is so rooted and grounded in Christ that nothing in our ten and a half years of married
life has rattled him. He's been shaken, of course, because he is human,
but even when we are in the brunt of a storm and we are being beaten and battered and our
sails are tattered
and torn
and I'm worn
down
to
bloody
stumps
I find him

sitting at the feet of Jesus,
receiving grace and strength for the moment
for the remainder of what is ahead.


My first marriage? Well, the term has to be so loose that the pantyhose fall off the leg and are stepped out of.
Two young people made a lot of mistakes.

So I was a single mother of two children and living in an amazing little town that
I truly felt God led me to. I faithfully attended a church (after knowing NOTHING OF CHURCH for 21 years, save a few masses I sporadically attended with random friends) and I prayed.
Really, I think that's all I did for those three years.
Read my bible, prayed fervently and attended any type of church function that we had.

But I remember one night specifically praying to God, when I knew that my first marriage was in fact, truly over. If anyone has ever experienced this, you know what I am talking about. It would've been the same realization that the Captain of the Titanic felt when reality sunk in. Impending reality. Dooming reality. Sorrowful reality.

Reality, none the less.

So, I cried out one night in anguish to my God and told him that I had messed my life up so badly up to this point, I was not qualified to choose another mate. I had had it my way all these years and it brought me nothing but pain and sorrow, so here, now, I was committing my personal life to him in every way a person could. I decided at that moment that I would NOT date. I would NOT look. I would WAIT.

I would pray
and wait
and trust
and believe.

And would you believe when God sent Chuck, at first,
it wasn't what "I" had wanted?!

He wasn't a farmer!

He didn't play the violin!

Is this a mistake?

On and on and round and round I took my concerns, thoughts and cares to God
and round and round
he appeased abated and soothed and secured me in the truth --- He led me
in a plain path and showed me clearly,
that Chuck was "THE" one.

I remember the day I just knew in my heart he was going to ask me to marry him.
I was praying so hard, "God show me! I need to KNOW!" and I saw a vision of
a little girl with pigtails running through the house yelling, "Mommy! Is dinner ready?"
all the while the little girl kept running PAST the dining room table that was set and ready.

You know that still wasn't enough?!
I just couldn't trust MYSELF.

I said that sunny Friday morning, "God I NEED TO KNOW!
I am going to fast until you tell me.
I don't care if it takes two weeks!"

I was on my lunch break and I was going through the drivethru of the bank, rejoicing in
the sunshine, enjoying the moment, trusting God knew how much I needed to know and how
serious this was of a decision. I HAD to hear from Him.

As I pulled around to go through I heard it just as clearly as I hear my son now, pestering me for more cheese ;o)

"He's everything you've ever wanted. How much more perfect could it get?"

I burst out crying <and rejoicing!> and repeating those words out loud.
I knew that I knew that I knew that I knew that I knew!
HE WAS THE ONE.


God is so good to us.
I am so grateful HE KNEW THEN what I needed NOW.
I am so grateful HE gave me the GRACE to TRUST HIM even when things didn't line up in my mind.
I am so grateful that the bible says (and MEANS)
"call unto Me and I will answer you and show you great and mighty things which thou knowest not"

L