Crisis Reveals...

...and Absolute Crisis Reveals Absolutely.

Not sure who coined that (I suspect it is from Art Katz)

 but the other day while driving my dear sweet hubby

quoted it to me.

 Fifteen years ago I surrendered my life and my will over to Christ and cried out with all of my heart, "Take me I am yours."
Over the years I have prayed many prayers,
prayers of contrition, prayers of petition, prayers of joy and grief and sorrow and laughter and delight.

I've prayed "Lord create in me a clean heart and renew a right spirit within me."
I've prayed, "Let my heart be broken for the things that break your heart."
I've prayed, "Let us be one Father like you and Jesus are one."
"Give me passion."
"Give me fire"
"Give me a submitted and willing heart"
"Give me grace, courage, strength."
I've asked Him to remove anything in me that is a hinderance or block from our union.
I've prayed from my deepest most earnest place a scene from the Bible where
Christ was praying in the garden of Gethsemane where he said,
"The prince of this hour comes but he has no place in me."

Oh God I wanted that!
To be in a place where the devil had no place in me!
The darkness had no place in me.
The world held nothing for me. The flesh was in complete subjection to Christ.
That I would be His and He would be mine and
we would be in total and complete UNION!


The other day, after a series of frustrations and disappointments and weeks of STRESS,
I was cracking apart. And motivated by fear and frustration I began to spew
 (to my poor husband) how I was feeling and I began to say,
"I hate _______. And I hate _______. And I hate ________."
I couldn't believe this was coming out of my mouth.
I couldn't believe I was feeling this way!
But I was.
Flat Out.
Worn down.
Had it.
It was what it was.

A few days later beaten, battered and broken, I picked up my bible and opened to
Psalm 19:14, "May the words of my mouth and the mediation of my heart be
pleasing in your sight O Lord, my rock and my redeemer."

And tears formed in the corners of my eyes.
My mouth didn't please God, but much deeper was the issue
of the meditation of my heart.
And I had this clear picture that if hatred hadn't been IN my heart it
wouldn't have been able
to come OUT of my mouth.
Somehow, somewhere, deep inside of me
I had hatred in my heart.
This was just the perfect opportunity for it to manifest it's ugly head.

If I truly had the love of God in me, instead of 'hatred' for those people

I would have a cry for mercy.

I would pray a prayer like Jesus prayed,

"Father forgive them, for they know not what they do."

Repentance is a beautiful thing.
The goodness of the Lord leads us to repentance." Romans 2:4
I repented and then began prayers of Thanksgiving for the crisis that
revealed. Then prayers once again to let the words of my mouth and
the meditation of my heart to be pleasing in His sight, my rock and my redeemer.

Lord thank you for answering prayers that we even forget we have prayed.
Thank you for not leaving us alone when that's what we think we want.
Thank you for your constant pursuit and continued love, love, love that you show us.
Remove all the swamp monsters in our hearts until they all be removed! In Jesus name I pray. Amen.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JoC1ec-lYps