Celebrating Forward Progress...She lives because HE Lives!

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Today I celebrate life, in that

  • (By that grace and mercy of God) I am still ALIVE!

  • Life is a precious and delicate GIFT from my Father in Heaven

  • The life that I have been gifted with, I get to share with others

       God has opened my eyes to the beauty of what life is,
and how blessed I truly am

in this life,
in this body,
in this marriage,
in this house,
in this community,
in this town,
in this time!

     Looking back in retrospection, my "HELL" year of 2025 was an actual year of death and literal resurrection into NEWNESS of Life, that by God crashing down my defensive walls I had spent decades constructing
(with each and every hurt of disappointment, betrayal or attack,)
I cemented another brick into that (what I thought was protective)
covering around my bruised and battered, oft broken and grieving heart!

     BUT GOD rich in His tender loving kindness, care and mercy allowed my own personal earthquake of sorts in what began as an awful automobile wreck in the fall of 2024, continued into my breaking sobriety two weeks before Christmas that year, after FIVE years free, that in my pain and frustrations, I once again returned to the weak and beggerly elements.  Then, in January of 2025 my step dad had a terrible accident, leading to 21 days in ICU followed by his tragic passing, my drinking becoming OUT OF CONTROL, suicidal ideation, an inpatient psychiatric hospitalization, compounded stressors at home, physical pain daily, pretty severe PTSD and prolonged post concussive syndrome (from the wreck) in my face 24/7, led me to a complete and total nervous breakdown...

          A COMPLETE AND TOTAL BREAKDOWN!

     And on May 17, 2024, I made an incredibly serious attempt at ending my life. I grabbed a bag of pharmaceuticals and a giant bottle of liquor and drove a mile and a half up a mountain into the forest and wept as I had reached my absolute literal end of my strength.

BUT GOD SAVED ME! and (by the grace and mercy of God alone) I did NOT DIE.
Somehow after blacking out, I managed to navagate and drive down the (treacherous) mountain road and end up in my driveway where my daughter and neighbor found me passed out and called 911.  The ICU nurse told my children if I woke up I was looking at extensive organ damage and apparently, my children tell me, I woke up singing!
I think my literal physical body was just so happy to be ALIVE!

I had a wonderful realization in our church on Sunday when I had the opportunity to give a testimony about how sometimes MERCY doesn't look like MERCY!! Sometimes it can look like the literal worst.thing.ever.   BUT GOD is working something else out!

For OUR GOOD and For HIS GLORY!

And my realization was, the great personal earthquake of 2025 was what truly brought my own personal defensive walls DOWN that my body must've thought were preserving and protecting me, were actually a padded cell/prison KEEPING ME FROM TRULY BEING LOVED AND LOVING OTHERS!

and now, through an excrutiating PROCESS, but what was ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY to ACCOMPLISH GOD'S PURPOSES,

I am free to truly love and walk in fellowship with other sisters and friends and believers, on both the giving end and the receiving end!

TO GOD be the GLORY. May we EVER TRUST HIM,
even when we can't see his HAND (moving)
we can TRUST HIS HEART (toward us)

In all seasons, in all ways, at all times, in all things!! 



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