Up and At 'em ... Hugging a Porcupine Just Cause they Need it.
Well, let me just say that 5:30 rolls around with lightening speed.
Knowing this, why would I stay up just to see Conan?
(and it wasn't even that good!) Granted, I did get two belly laughs
out of his opening routine, but now at 6:36 a.m. I am seriously
having my doubts that it was worth it!
And this gets me thinking -
why do I so frequently choose a life of folly, when
it leads to mud puddles, sprained ankles and being lost, hopelessly lost??
.....
I think I may blog about that sometime (lol)
.....
But what I was thinking about recently was building up a wall.
This has been seen to me as a positive thing: Nehemiah - rebuilding the
walls of Jerusalem - to protect them from their enemies.
(now I know defensive walls translating in life can be a not so good thing,
because the not only keep you "safe" and cloistered but they
keep you from being able to receive good things from others, too -
think rations, supplies, food and water!)
but I was reminded of a time some of us girls drove to Harrisburg to
see Jason Upton (my main musical man) at the Life Center. It was an
amazing night of worship and I was really getting into some worship of
my heavenly father. I think Jason was getting into a set of his fantastic
"Father of the Fatherless" songs. The place was packed, but I am
a people watcher, so I was scanning he crowd. Looking for anything that
stuck out to me, when BANG!
There he was.
I remember looking at him and thinking, "Wow, I am so glad he is not with me!
I would be so embarrassed to even stand beside him."
(And I WAS embarrassed to even THINK that I would actually THINK such a thought~!)
But this was a big dude.
Moderately overweight
Long curly frizzy dark hair
TALL - think 6'2, or3
A white ruffly poets blouse
and
turquoise and black COW print pants.
I just couldn't not look and be horrified.
As I stood there mesmerized and blinded by his uniqueness
and hating myself for the emotions I was feeling of embarrassment -
I felt like a snotty teenager again.
And in an instant I was flashed back to Laurel Highlands Senior High School Bus Patio.
It was a warm spring day and I was walking out of the first set of doors and as an insecure
tenth grader, all I wanted was to blend into the scenery and FIND MY BUS!
I walked OUT of those doors and bent on my mission, was focused.
From the right of my field of vision I see this guy smiling, saying two octaves above incognito, "Hey! Laura!" All smiles, reaching his arms out to hug me. It was my uncle. He was hanging out with some of his friends who were talking to some of their friends. When my eyes scanned the situation, he had a permed afro mullet (typical 80s rocker stuff) a flourescent cut up tank top and M.C. Hammer Zebra print pants. I literally wanted to die! I can't remember if I hugged him or just waved,
but I know my cheeks were flushed purple and I RAN to my bus afterwards.
So here I am at lifecenter, presence of God everywhere, amazing atmosphere of worship
and when that memory floods my soul - looking at Turquoise Poet Cowboy man, remembering how I treated my uncle who was just literally thrilled to see me ... I just began weeping.
Like repentantly weeping.
I could FEEL my uncle's heart as he had joy in seeing his niece
and I could feel the rejection he may have felt by my childish insecurity and behavior toward him.
I could look at this cowboy and feel the sneers, jeers and cruelness of the people around him
as he put his worst foot forward.
It was like what my uncle must've been doing by wearing that outfit.
It's almost like a challenge to others?
And I felt in my heart that turquoise boy really WAS challenging someone ---
And I felt in my heart that turquoise boy really WAS challenging someone ---
challenging someone to prove him wrong that people did care.
That someone truly would LOVE HIM FOR HIM
and not what he portrays, acts like or tries to be.
"I don't build this wall up to KEEP YOU OUT.
I BUILD it up to see if you care enough to climb over it and get me."
God give us your eyes to see PAST what trips us up.
Give us to see the "porcupines" for what they are ... children of God in need of love
and give us the grace to pursue
and EMBRACE them. Not in word and tongue but in deed and truth.
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